[x]

You don't just die.Do you understand?
The blade against your wrist
Doesn't just slice your skin.
It cuts through others
Hearts
Souls
And sanity.

Do you understand?
You don't just kill yourself.
You kill everyone.
Everyone dies
Everyone cries
Everyone suffers
From YOUR goodbyes.

Do you understand?
You don't just die.
You take everyone down
With you.

I wish...I wish I was a monster
So I could be kind
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I was colored
So I could respect people
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I was a man
So I could be kind to women
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I had male friends
So we could all be..
Just friends
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I had autism
So I could prove that autism,
Does NOT mean "dumb".
And I could break the stereotypes.

I wish I could change the world.
But sometimes, you can't break a stereotype.

Only stereotypes, can break you.

Graduation DayGraduation Day:

They told us we would be alright...

We had fought with honour and won our titles.

We had overcome trials together -

Watching dozens of our siblings fall in the line of duty.

For this they had promised us, a wondrous welcome;

A bountiful world of adventure, with a myriad of paths.

All this, they said, awaited us in the stone cities.

Large metropolises, where the working folk resided...

There were hundreds of us, who made that journey.

Walking miles across the scorching desert,

Clinging to a hope of the fortunes beyond.

Yet what awaited us was not a promised land -

Nor was it a life based on the merit we had earned.

Lingerhow can i move forward,
when the fingerprints of my insecurities
are still lingering within my chest,
pressing against my ribs like piano keys?
i am just waiting, for the day,
when the saddest parts of me
are overcome with songs of serenity.

Pretty Blue PillsPretty blue pills,
shiny in my palm,
the ticket to my peace,
to my eternal calm.

They're so perfectly round,
and soon they'll be in me.
The closest to perfect
that I'll ever be.

They go down so smooth.
Five, ten, fifteen and twenty.
Soon I'll be gone.
Twenty-five and Thirty.

That should be enough,
but I'll play it safe.
Thirty-five and forty.
Now I have no more to take.

The bottle is empty,
as empty as I feel.
None of this is happening,
too good to be real.

But soon I start to drift
into a dark unknown fog.
Somewhere quite distantly.
I hear a muffled sob.

But I blow it off as fake.
Nobody could possibly care.
I doubt anyone's noticed
th

ten ways this breakup isn't meant for the movies1.
you go out for twelve eggs and come back
with half a dozen and a new girlfriend.
you hold the eggs out to me like
six dead birds is enough of a peace offering.

2.
i push the eggs out of your hand and stay
with my hand over your heart as i watch them
fall. if they do not hit the ground, this is all a dream.

3.
the eggs smash on the tile and splatter
on the cherry wood cabinets, newly installed
that cost me two paychecks.

3.
the egg whites hit your leather shoes that
you’ve worn for two months straight
because you think they make you look more sophisticated.

3.
the egg whites hit the fridge halfway up, barely touching
the moose mag

PhantomWhen life
or fate
or whatever it is
that puts things together
and takes them apart...
when It
amputated you,
it left me
with a phantom
limb
and you are still attached
to my body
when I dance
and make love
alone

Dear friend,You have to understand, dear
The reason to why I run.
I run away from reality
From the lungs that cannot
Take anymore smoke
From the heart that threatens to
Stop...
I run away because
I'm a coward
Because I'm afraid of life
Afraid to care or love.
I'm afraid that every time
I'm glad it blows up in my face
And that every time I smile
I shed a million more tears.
That's why I run, dear
You have to understand.
I was destined to be a fighter but
I don't want to fight anymore.
I was destined to be a warrior
But how am I supposed to win when
The war I fight is against life itself?
I know that I always blow everything up but-
I keep stepping on mines, dear...
...I keep stepping on mines...

ellipsisshe goes to sleep
clawing at her chest with pinpoint accuracy
for an emptiness she can’t describe,
but hates all the same. tomorrow

she will write a letter: “dear boy,
i always wanted to be somebody’s
flowery poem, but the verses carved in my arms
are riddled with ugly clichés. & you are why

i don’t sleep through the night. if
we were a language, i was the
subordinating conjunction, you were

the punctuation.

i remember you in staccato
conclusions, solemn absences
of goodbye”

brain squealsI beat depressions in the earth
for my brain squeals and waves
that burst in my wet ears
until something makes me drown.
I will. (again) V.

Virginia,

put rocks in pockets
and walk right in --
I'll drink your overcoat
until your throat weeps
and your soaked hair
weighs you down.

I promise.

with love,
Ouse.

P.S.
brain squeals are from cold sweats
sleep well.

TearsI am not afraid to cry.

I am not afraid for you to see the tears

My tears.

Don’t tell me I have no heart.

Don’t tell me I have no soul.

For without them I could not cry.

You may not see my tears but they are there.

I have learned to let myself cry for the things I’ve loved,

For the things I’ve lost.

They are silent tears, but they are mine.

So let me cry.

Let me show you I have a heart.

Let the things that touch my heart be shown through my tears.

I am not afraid to cry.

I am notI’m not your little boy.
You’re not my little girl.
I’m just someone you met,
And wants to change the world
I’m not the prince in your dreams
I don’t have smarts or might
I’m just the one that screams
And cries to sleep at night
I’m not who you want me to be.
I will never be what you are.
I’m myself, I am free.
I’m not ashamed of my scars
I’m not that weak
You’re not that strong
You still have company
But I’m still alone
So I speak
Though this poem.
It’s not a pretty love song
I’m just saying what pains me, explaining what’s going on.
Because I am not perfect,
I’m not retarded,
I’m just like you,
Broken Hearted
Never forget,
There is always a reason to be
And I won’t regret
I’m always happy to be me.

Second ShadowThe hand on your shoulder
The whispers in your mind
The words on your tongue
The voice in your throat
And the feelings in your soul

To drive to madness
To seduce the insane
To draw the blood
And dull the senses
To plague the memories
Of damage done
To fake safe haven
As the character changes

Light the anger and fuel the rage
Another mind to feed
A second shadow
To take you into eternity

Skylapse

Skylapse

And now I finally see-
The true face of faith that I once held so dearly

This sensation is somewhat familiar-
My thick tears become entangled

I clench my trembling fists-
As a regretful prayer exits my tainted lips
-
Blindly lead down this beaten path!
Reaching the end forces me to despise the past

Hymns of comfort have left me feeling torn!
This flawed cross can't protect me anymore

I always reached for what wasn't even there!
The darkness becomes clear as the light disappears

I kiss the welcoming abyss / Closing the rift I once lived
Clouds drift / Body lifts
Winds wisp / Tears twist
My pain and peace quickly shift / The over

combatantI.
it strikes me
that this woman
could be a palace.

I marvel at
the opulent dome of
her brow, her arch
expression—

skin like a courtyard of
ivory tiles,
a thousand intersecting
golden lines about her
head and neck.

she beams from atop her
sunlit tower,
beatific and beautiful,

spreads her arms like
open doors,
invites you to be one of

the many
who have wandered her
lavish halls.

II.
I’ve often thought
of myself
as a castle:

all rough-hewn stone
and turrets,
a temper like molten
tar.

my head is crowned
with
embattled parapets,

weapons readied
at the crenels.

I look out from my
guerites, my brattices,
eyes like arrow-slits

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More from ~Tarvitus

LebenLeben

Keine Rosen werfe ich dir in dein Grab,
keine Erde schütte ich auf deinen Sarg.
Keine Lieder singe ich, über dein Leben,
kein neues Leben gebe ich deinem Streben.

Ich erwecke dich wieder,
an einem geheimen Ort,
dort führt du in mir,
dein Leben fort.

Wir werden eins,
für jetzt und für immer,
viel mehr als Schein,
und weltlicher Schimmer.

Jetzt tauchst du ein,
in das Meer meine Seele,
versinkst in der Tiefe,
aus der ich dich stehle.

Du lebst jetzt in mir,
in meinem Herzen,
auch ohne Grab,
ohne Kerzen.

LobredeLobrede

Oh, du Glorreiche, die das Neue bringt,
die mir Lieder von fremden Ufern singt,
du Heldin Zeit hast dich oft nicht gezeigt,
und uns am Ende doch vom Stillstand befreit.

Oh, du Glorreiche, gestern, wie heut',
Schöpferin von Teurem, von dem was man bereut,
du trägst uns sicher an die nächste Stelle,
wir trinken Leben aus deiner Quelle.

Du Glorreiche bist doch unser Kind,
stirbst und lebst immer wieder geschwind.

Der SpiegelDer Spiegel

Der Tag beginnt,
mit eisernem Schweigen.
Wieso fällt es so schwer,
die Anderen nicht zu meiden?

Jede Begegnung von Augen,
ein Blick in den Spiegel,
ein brennendes Feuer,
ein mächtiges Siegel.

Ein Schleier von Trübsinn,
liegt still in der Luft,
ein enttäuschendes Selbst,
ein modriger Duft.

Einsam ist es leicht,
sich selbst nicht zu sehen,
den bedeutensten Zielen,
aus dem Wege zu gehen.

Doch etwas zieht mich hinaus,
in die Mitte von dir,
vielleicht sagst du mir ja;
was mache ich hier?

Doch du sagst nichts,
du lächelst bloß leise.
und der Spiegel zerbricht,
auf schöne Weise.

Solar DogsSolar Dogs

We're solar dogs,
roaming the sky,
the cloudship is,
our dearest ally.

We're solar dogs,
we're wild & free,
don't think twice,
just come with me.

We're solar dogs,
we can't be caught,
can't be replaced,
once we're thought.

We're solar dogs,
roaming the sky,
just follow us,
and start to fly.

The DaggerThe Dagger

Drive this dagger,
deep into my chest!
Feels not just better,
no - it feels best!

Tare this drum apart!
Come, divide my heart!

Whenever seperate,
henceforth it will hurt,
but that's the price -
loving hearts burst!

Tare my heart in two,
so what ever you do,
one part of me,
always stays with you.

Drive this dagger,
deep into my chest!
Feels not just better,
no - it feels best!

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Surrender

by ~Tarvitus, Jan 18, 2013, 9:02:37 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Surrender

This tear is a mark,
I can not replace,
not from your memory,
not from my face.

I guess that's why we're off,
for some higher grace,
for wicked illusions,
for a new place.

I lost my track,
but still feel your heartbeat,
so please tell me,
should we accept defeat?

Now I'm turning back,
just to wave your flag,
but both our flags' splendour,
has turned into surrender.

Surrenderby ~Tarvitus

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

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~EvieTheDreamer Jan 18, 2013

I love the first part. It is nice and smooth, but at the end it gets a little choppy. Still a fantastic piece of writing!

~Tarvitus Jan 18, 2013

Wow, thank you so very much! Yea, I agree with you.
I improvised for like 3-5 minutes and it somehow
felt like that was where the whole thing wanted me
to go. Still - I am very honored by what you said.
Hope that someday I'm gonna score a "perfect" on
your scale

~EvieTheDreamer Jan 18, 2013

I don't believe in perfection because I don't think it exists. What may be perfect to you may not to someone else. It is all about how you look at things. Plus I like flaws they make things interesting(Sarah Dessen quote) instead of boring perfection. If you are perfect you really have no reason to do what you love anymore. That is my philosophy.

~Tarvitus Jan 18, 2013

I absolutely agree with you. Though the idea of having to much fun
along the way and therefore hopefully never reaching the goal or
"making it" has been introduced to me by Mister Brandon Boyd. But
anyways, you're right!

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Surrender

Surrenderby ~Tarvitus

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